Sex is awesome. We’re not going to lie and say that it’s just okay. You could offer us all the money in the world to say that sex is mediocre and we'd throw it in your face. Sometimes, though, sex can go wrong, like, super crazy wrong. For whatever reason, the worst things tend to happen during sex: animal attacks, broken genitals, death - you name it and it’s probably happened while people were gettin’ it on. Put the kids to bed, because this list of the worst things that have ever happened during sex is not for the faint of heart.
After reading through so many true sex stories for this list, we’ve come to a few conclusions. First of all, a lot of guys keep garbage in their rooms - real garbage that a garbage man takes away from the curb. Second, people like to live dangerously. They want to put weird things inside of themselves or have sex in moving cars, and that’s cool. But readers, please be safe. We don’t want to have to add you to this list of real life sex horror stories.
Vote up the most excruciating, worst things that have ever happened during sex. And feel free to share your nightmare sex story in the comments. Whatever happened to you is probably mild compared to the wacky stuff on here.
The Worst Things That Have Ever Happened During Sex,
A Midsummer Night's... Nightmare?
In Sweden they really go hard, especially a particular Reddit user who, after partying at the Midsummer festival (you know, the festival where you eat nothing but pickled fish) until the early in the morning went home with his girlfriend and began to 69, when his lady friend passed gas in his face. Keep in mind that this is gas that's been imbued with the power of pickled fish and also that our Swedish friend had been drinking vodka all day. Naturally, he threw up all over his girlfriend. Better luck next Midsummer Festival!
A Broken Penis Extension and a Broken Heart
After Grigory Toporov had penis extension surgery, he took his new toy home and wanted to try it out, but it broke mid-coitus. That would be bad enough, but his wife decided then and there that she wanted a divorce, leaving poor Grigory with nothing but a broken weiner.
Please, Please Don't Put Pop Rocks There
In 2014, a couple with an erotic sweet tooth found themselves in peril when they decided to put Pop Rocks in the woman's vagina. The adventurous woman's good time with fizzy candy began to sour when she noticed a “burning and itching" sensation in her genitals. The couple's trip to Candy Land was delayed when they had to make a pit stop at the ER. At least they didn't use Mentos.
When Having Sex in a Castle, Don't Fall in the Moat and Die
A French couple decided to get it on, Medieval style, doing the deed on the walls of Vauban fortress. Unfortunately, they seem to have lost their balance, falling approximately 40 feet into the fort's moat. Their naked bodies, tragically deceased, were found in the moat, while their belongings were discovered atop the walls.
Never a Good Time for a Lion Attack
This story is almost too frightening to be true, not because we're likely to run into lions or anything, but because it's almost like this couple stumbled into a monster movie. While having sex in a "bushy area" in Zimbabwe, Sharai Mawera was mauled by a lion. Her naked boyfriend fled for his life, but the poor woman wasn't so lucky. Life lesson: keep it chaste anywhere lions could be prowling.
Side Piece Bites off Boss's Piece
In a reminder of the dangers of automotive hookups, a boss and his secretary in China were getting down to some car-based action in a park when their vehicle was struck by a van, causing the woman to bite off the man's penis. In a bizarre twist, this was all caught by a private detective that the man's wife hired to find out if he was cheating. He was, obviously, but not anymore!
Sexual Defenestration
What started as a very sexy afternoon ended in tragedy when a couple in the throes of passion on a hot day decided to make love against a window to keep cool. When the glass broke, they fell out of the window together and died on impact. We guess that's kind of romantic in a really morbid, awful way.
Sergei Never Could Turn Down a Bet
Sergey Tuganov, a Russian man with a lot of time and disposable income on his hands, took a bet with two women that he could satisfy them during a 12-hour sex marathon. In order to win, he did what any of us would do and chugged a bottle of Viagra. Well, the 28-year-old mechanic technically won the bet, except that he dropped dead of a heart attack immediately after.
Epileptic Woman Has a Mid-Sex Seizure
It's all in the title, but let's let this unnamed Reddit user explain it in her words: "I was having sex with a new boyfriend for the first time," she said. "I had a seizure.
He didn't realize what was happening at first and finished. To be fair, I hadn't had a seizure in years and he didn't know I had epilepsy."
Cursed "Penis Captivus" Draws a Huge Crowd
In early 2015, a massive crowd gathered to see a couple they believed had been locked together during sex by a witch's doctor's curse. See, a cheating wife and her young lover actually became stuck due to penis captivus, a condition in which the woman's vagina contracts too much and traps the penis. News quickly spread and by the time police arrived, over 2,000 people had swarmed onto the street outside the apartment block, eager to confirm the rumor that the woman's cuckolded husband cursed his wife's vagina.