From zombies and werewolves, and even vampires, here are seven news stories of real-life attacks by people (or creatures?) purporting to be real-life monsters. Most of these people are absolutely insane, were off their meds, or belong in an institution, but either way, it's fun to speculate that at least one of these is a supernatural being living among us - as a complete loser.
What are some cases of real monsters being found? This list of real life monster attacks highlights what some people THINK is going on in the dark corners of the earth (or in the bright corners of the 7-11 in some cases).
The 7 Craziest Real-Life Monster Attacks,
Vampire Causes Car Accident
Though they can change their form to bats, wolves, and even mist, sometimes vampires can just be d*cks.
According to a Colorado woman, she was forced off the road while driving home after she saw a vampire standing in the middle of it. When the police arrived on the scene the offending Nosferatu had vanished. The police do not suspect that any alcohol or drugs were involved, though there was evidence that the woman was not on her prescribed medication.
One small boy interviewed by the local news said "I don't believe she saw a vampire," while a local teenage girl added, "That would be cool though. I hope that's the case."
A Werewolf in Texas
Werewolves are known to roam the misty fields on a full moon, looking for prey to feast on, ever-changing and enigmatic. Unfortunately, with deforestation, they are being forced out of their native habitats. In this case, it seems that they have ended up in suburban San Antonio. And, most likely because of their lack of native habitat, they have become very sad, which is the only rational explanation for someone who claims to be an other-worldly badass creature looking like a reject from a My Chemical Romance tryout.
A photo surfaced on the internet of a bloody hand holding a decapitated dog's head. It was traced to Sarah "Wolfie Blackheart" Rodriguez, a local "teen wolf." When confronted about the picture she claims that a friend brought their dead dog to her and posted that photo, but she had nothing to do with it (other than holding it, of course). According to Wolfie, she would never hurt another dog, though that doesn't keep her from taking huge knives to school (but still no cell phones allowed?)
Man Punches Zombie Dining at Local Mexican Restaurant
This is a little different from the previous stories. This story involves a man taking the initiative and attacking the monster before anyone could be harmed, like a considerate, safety-conscious psychopath.
In Iowa City, a place well known for its undead infestation (???), a man was accused of approaching a stranger in line at a local restaurant and punching him twice in the face while exclaiming that the man was a zombie.
He then punched the zombie one more time, breaking his (its?) nose. The man then ran out the back door leaving the poor shambler to be taken to the hospital. The victim (the "zombie"), surprisingly, had not ordered the brains as part of his meal and the attacker was never caught.
(Source)
19 Year Old 500 Year Old Vampire Feeds on Texas Woman
A woman was in her apartment when she heard a noise, and like a good horror movie victim, she went to investigate. She was hit in the head by alleged "vampire" Lyle Bensley and was then forced against the wall by an assailant who then bit her on the neck. She somehow escaped and drove to a friend's house where she called the police.
When they arrived at her apartment, they discovered Bensley in the parking lot completely unclothed except for his boxers, snarling and hissing. He led them on a chase, including scaling 2 fences, before they caught him.
While taking him to jail, Bensley told them that he was a 500 year-old vampire and needed to feed. He also insisted that he didn't want to hurt anyone and wanted to be restrained while trying to bite the guards.
Reporters insist that Bensley is just a victim of mass media induced hallucinations, but most think that if he just had better taste in movies, all of this could have been avoided. The woman suffered very minor injuries and is totally fine. "I've dealt with some really strange people," said Heyse. "You know, guys who think they're Jesus and that. But I've never seen anything like this."
(Source)
Vampire-Werewolf Hybrid "Sexually Assaults" Young Girl
19 year old Kristian Allen Carl learned the hard way that life isn't like the movies, it seems, and trying to bang 15 year old girls is only okay if you're a fictional vampire.
Carl was charged in Pennsylvania for sexual assault after it was discovered he was having intercourse with a 15 year-old girl. What the police didn't know was that Carl was the product of an unholy union of vampire and werewolf.
When asked to prove that he was a hybrid, Carl exposed his canine teeth to the officer. Hilariously, he was then informed by the police that all mammals, including humans, have canine teeth.
The girl told police that he was her boyfriend, but since she was underage, Carl faced charges of statutory rape. Once again proving that vampire/human girl relationships are doomed from the start.
Vampire Mauls Elderly Man
Milton Ellis is an older, wheelchair bound, gentleman living in St. Petersburg, Florida. One day he encountered Josephine Smith, a 22 year-old vagrant, on the streets while going home. The two started talking and seemed to hit it off, so when it started pouring they took shelter together on the porch of a vacant Hooters - classic RomCom faire.
Ellis, being a very old man, fell asleep while waiting for the rain to stop. He awoke suddenly to find Smith on his lap, which would've been awesome in any other occasion. But when he asked what she was doing there, she replied, "I'm a vampire. I am going to eat you." She then proceeded to bite him in various places, including his arm and lips, and broke enough skin that he was left bloody.
Ellis struggled to escape but being in a wheelchair made it difficult to do so. He eventually did, made it to a phone and called the police. He was rushed to the hospital and was treated with stitches.
The police found Smith when they arrived at the scene. She was half-naked and covered in blood. According to her, she had no memory of the events. She was arrested and was held on bail for $50,000. Hopefully the bars at the prison have enough silver in them to hold the kind of blood-sucking fiend.
A Canadian Zombie Killer in Scotland
Though they are more well known for their werewolves that roam the foggy glens and monsters in lochs, Scotland is not without their undead attacks. In July of 2011, 21 year-old Michael Davis was walking from one job to another when he was attacked by Canadian man, Tianh*i Zhan. Davis was stabbed multiple times by Zhan.
When tried, Zhan was found not guilty by means of insanity when he claimed that he killed Davis because he (Davis) was a zombie. This makes sense, though, because of course he was insane. Every sane person knows that in order to kill a zombie you go for the brain.
The High Court in Glasgow learned that Zhan had a history of mental problems and had been diagnosed in Canada with bipolar disorder with a psychotic feature, according to the BBC. He had stopped taking his anti-psychotic medication when he killed Davis, and he later told a forensic psychiatrist that he saw blood on peoples' faces.
The jury learned that Zhan, who was born in China and lived in Toronto, left Canada last September to travel across Europe. He said that "voices" had urged him to go to Glasgow.
(Source)